Standard Phrases for Academic AppraisalProductive researcher: Publishes students' work under own name Prolific writer: Publishes identical article in different journals Research oriented: Can't teach Teaching oriented: Can't research Loyal: Unemployable elsewhere Conscientious: Appears on campus more than three times a week Charismatic: Gives frequent TV interviews Exceptionally well qualified: Has a degree from the same university as the Dean Committed to the university: Appears at every cocktail party Slightly below average: Hopeless Listens well: Has no original ideas Shows great promise: Is related to the Dean Internationally recognized: Likes to go to conferences Active socially: Drinks a lot Career minded: Buys drinks for the Dean Remarkably intelligent: Listens without yawning Regular attendance: Can't find work as a consultant and/or unhappy home life Visionary: Can't handle paperwork Qualifies for salary increase: Still breathing Popular with students: Finishes lectures early, drinks at pub never fails anyone Very popular with students: Does all three
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